Down and up again.

I may get knocked down but I get up again… never going to keep me down.

Definitely one of my mantra’s .. I say it to my self many times as go through the ups and downs of my disease.

I wasn’t sure if I would come back to this page. Weeks turned into months, of not writing or glancing at the site and letting time just go buy without the reflection this site brings.

I spent summer of 2015 in the hospital. Dialysis bringing with it more than I bargained for. Nerve Pain and Nerve Damage.

Difficult. I won’t go into it. But two months of hospital life has its tole. Yes its a break from reality and day to day tasks but its lonely and isolating and the pain is well pain.

Also being limited to a wheelchair was difficult. There was a brief time I saw my mobility flash before me and disappear as an ability I had. But it came back. Work and time. Now mostly with a cain I make my way still wobbly and slow. But getting there.

Down # 2 for 2015….

Christmas Eve… the fridge and freezer full of ingredients ready for celebration meals with my husband and with my family and I have my ideas set for some restful Christmas days with food, movies, a few gifts and visits with friends.

Then boom. Pain. ER trips in the middle of the night. IV’s . Pain medication. Infection and well… hospital admittance. Peritonitis. An infection in my abdomen. Twelve days later I’m home again.

I feel weak, and somewhat disillusioned. I come home to a new year, cold winter temperatures and snow on the ground. Having missed the festive days, I am reluctant to take down the Christmas tree just yet and let myself enjoy its twinkling lights a few more days.

Slowly, I will resign myself to the new year and let its newness give me that boost to get going. I can invite family to a new year’s dinner and pull out that lentil loaf out of the freezer. I can still make the recipes I had in my head and can call up the friends to deliver the gifts.

I can and I will get back on “the horse”. I will make the phone calls and emails.. go to appointments and get a back to work plan in the works… 2016 here I come.

Here’s that song…

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